Aadhi Yogi
A quiet Sea
A quiet Day
A quiet Mind
But a raging Heart
Blazing with Fire
Of an ancient Sage.
Burning for many a millennia
Destructive for the ignorant
Enlightening for the seeking
Brutal to the stubborn
Tender to the willing.
When all the tricks fall
With the increase of people participating in the practice of Yoga, there has been a rise in the incidents of what is known as Kundalini Blockage. Symptoms of this condition include: sudden jitters, feelings of vertigo, foaming from the mouth, objects leaping off shelves or lights turning themselves on and off around the Yogi, a sudden lack of interest in shopping or even an urge to become an artist.
In the past, getting the Kundalini unblocked usually required much time and energy, usually spent in extended periods of time and great expense, in ashrams in India with famous Indian gurus. Now though, through the innovations of one Yoga studio in Washington, DC, the Kundalini can be unblocked or even removed in about an hour.
As explained by Kimberley of the Pinkdoor Places Yoga studio, “Kundalini Blockage happens when the energy in the root chakra, awakened by meditation or Yoga or even extreme bouts of shopping for Yoga clothing or Yoga mats at the
GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore, is trying to move upward and encounters a block; often in the sacral or solar chakra. It grounds itself through the legs until the block above is released”. With that insight, Kimberly has perfected several techniques to wrestle the Kundalini from the junction of the 4 and 5 chakra. She will either sweet talk it (“Now doll, you know how fab you would look if you weren’t feeling so trapped and crawling around people’s spines”), try to sell it something from the Pinkdoor Places Yoga Boutique (“You would look darling in the new fav Pinkdoor Places Yoga Unitard”), threaten it (“Okay bitch, don’t make me have to go in there and lip-gloss you”) or finally beat it into submission while removing it completly from the Yogi if it is practically stubborn.
When asked what happens when the Kundalini is completely removed, Kimberly replied, “Oh, not much really. The Yogis just kind of start acting like the rest of the zoned out Gen X and Ys that tend to show up for my Yoga classes”.
YogaDawg’s 12 Step Plan to Yoga Stardom
Step 1 - Begin by seeking out trendy yoga studios in gentrified areas in either LA or NYC (sorry, but you’ll need to move if you are anywhere else. It’s just not going to happen in Iowa or Kansas). This is where all the rich and beautiful yogis are and who will become your yoga allies. They are the yogis you must befriend and socialize with as you start your ascent to yoga stardom.
Of these, you’ll need to figure out who the power yogis are (look for the ones wearing high-end yoga clothes and sporting a Black Manduka yoga mat) and who are new to the game (They are the ones wearing K-Mart crap and practice on pastel colored mats). Most important though, you must figure out who the yoga nut-jobs are (ie they’re the ones spouting crackpot yoga theories and think yoga is all spiritual and everything). Unfortunately there are vast amounts of them in the yoga world. Befriend the former, unless one of the latter can get you introduced to one of the latter. Remember that nut-cases will always lead you astray in your rise to yoga fame.
Step 2 – You will now actually need to learn something about yoga. Have no fear though, as all yoga studios will have books and magazines that you can spy while waiting for a class to begin. No need to invest money for this (in fact your first few classes at most yoga studios will usually be free or nominal in their quest to ‘hook’ you on yoga). Concentrate on books and articles about Iyengar and Ashtanga yoga in particular. The reason for this will become clear in the next step.
Step 3 – With a bit of yoga knowledge under your belt it is now time to chat up the other yogis around you. Always mention Iyengar or Ashtanga to them at every chance possible.
Use a nebulous and tired tone when doing so to suggest you know all about these styles and have practiced them for much longer than you care to remember. Almost all yogis you encounter can relate to one of these as they are the basis of all the other styles out there. Look for their knowing nod of acceptance.
Important Note: Don’t try and add your own opinion of which style is better at this stage; you’ll only confuse things. The important thing to remember for now is that you are trying to win friends, not influence people.
Step 4 – Now is the time to perfect your Yogatude. This is a crucial step in breaking out from the crowd of ordinary yogis. In addition, it is important that you always stay positive and smiling. Even though this yoga star stuff is hard work, it is important to remember that in the yoga world you are always yes, never no.
Step 5 - At this point you should decide what kind of yoga star path you’ll want to take. The two basic avenues are yoga studio owner player or yoga magazine/yoga video player. If you choose the studio owner path, simply go out and buy one. Don’t worry if you’re not certified to teach. You can always hire teachers who are. No one will be the wiser and the beauty is that you won’t have to pay them much anyway. If you have followed the previous steps to satisfaction thus far, you should now be able to ‘steal’ all the cool, tight and trendy yogis from the other studios you hung out with as these yogis will now follow you to your new studio. Your studio will suddenly be THE yoga studio that everyone will want to be seen in.
Note: If you have decided to take the yoga magazine/video path we trust that you have befriended the publisher or editor of a hot yoga magazine that has offered you opportunities to appear in articles and on the cover. Strive to get into as many articles and covers as possible. Don’t waste too much time actually doing yoga. There are yogis who have built their whole careers doing this. In any event save the yoga for the videos.
Click Here!
Step 6 – Needless to say, you will need to develop and protect your public image (this is not the time to be caught catching a smoke in the back of your studio or being drunk while checking in your marks, umm, I mean students). Always remember that your image is what you will live off of going forward. Guard it like a yoga warrior!
Click Here!
Step 7 – You are now at the crucial stage in your rise to yoga stardom; the picking of your brand. Bandanas, speedos and hot pants have all been successfully used in the past. A perennial favorite is to appear somewhat exotic. People in the yoga scene love things they don’t understand (keep things mysterious) and we’re not just talking Sanskrit. On the other hand, if you have great hair and/or a great body, you will stand out from the gaggle of other wanna-be yoga stars. Use this to your advantage. Most important though is to make a point of saying that you think yoga transcends the outward appearances of great hair and great bodies while driving home that in fact, you have great hair and a great body.
Step 8 - Cultivate extensive yoga buzz about yourself. It’s impossible for everyone to be everywhere at once so use yoga blogs to your advantage. Comment on those run by snarky yoga bloggers and drop hints about your connections to past yoga stars (and hopefully dead ones so it will be hard to follow up on your claims) and yoga greatness. Banter with these yoga malcontents as you watch your yoga star shoot up proportionately as each of your comments get posted from blog to blog like wildfire.
Special note: Be extremely cautious about doing this on YogaDawg’s blog. Extreme bouts of schizophrenia and uncontrolled laughter have been reported from pretentious uptight yoga stars who have visited it. There is no exit here for the cunning.
Step 9 - You are now in low yoga star orbit and need to cultivate one additional trait to solidify your yoga image of those around you. Your goal now is to learn to act spacey (giving you an air of authenticity as it will show that you are have transcended your ties to ordinary daily living). Ideally, you will act this way around yoga students, yoga magazine publishers and sport cloths manufacturers who you will be vying to get endorsements from (you are trying to get endorsements at this point, aren’t you?) Be assured that after a while you’ll become so spacey that you won’t need to act any more..
Step 10 – Create your own special “thing”. Be assured that there is always an angle to be worked, a yoga style to be invented. As much as yoga people like to think they are practicing ancient yoga methods tied to past yoga gurus, a cult of yoga newness flourishes among them (they are all suckers for the latest yoga trend). Invention counts.
Step 11 - Now is the time to take things a step further by having an impact on the yoga movement itself. Claim your yoga territory by creating a cause or a mission that can easily be used to further your brand with the right PR slant. Use your new found fame strategically. If it brings you riches, with, say, a rise in endorsements or ads in magazines, start a new trendy yoga foundation with a hip yoga sounding name.
Step12 – That’s it! You did it!! Congrats! You are a yoga star. You can now om comfortably in your Malibu beach home or Park Avenue apartment. Om Shanti and don’t forget to send in a monthly donation to the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation.
YogaDawg Exclusive
YogaDawg gets the nod from Yoga Journal
Dear gentle yoga humor readers:
With the mention of the YogaDawg blog in the August 2009 issue of Yoga Journal, many of you yogis have come to this site in search of yoga snark and satire. YogaDawg welcomes you in the full embrace of yoga humor. This is the place to get your yoga laugh groove on while giving you a rest from the jaded seriousness of mainstream yoga world. Snuggle up with your favorite computer while doing yoga poses and become free as you discover the side-splitting yoga hilarity contained within.
Here is how the YogaDawg site would be described if Yoga Journal wrote a feature about it (ummm, ahh, clear throat, cough; it was written by a Yoga Journal writer):
My Third Eye Itches is a satirical, illustrated reference guide to yoga. Written in the voice of a fictional guru, Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg, it challenges the 15.8 million Americans who practice yoga to find the humor in an ancient Indian philosophy turned $5.7 billion industry. While My Third Eye Itches is designed for both the novice and experienced yogi, it is peppered with jokes that only serious yogis can fully appreciate.
In My Third Eye Itches, YogaDawg guides the reader through three progressive phases of yoga know-how. He begins with the basics, explaining yoga styles through the lens of high school cliques and neatly categorizing teachers and students into irreverent stereotypes. He then describes the ins and outs of starting a yoga studio, from selecting the appropriate “transitional” neighborhood locale to recruiting friends and family for manual labor in exchange for free yoga classes. Finally, YogaDawg reveals the innermost workings of the yoga industry, including yoga shopping, yoga news, yoga workshops, and the all-important Yogatude.
YogaDawg and his crass yoga advice was created shortly after stumbling into his first yoga class. Throughout his evolution as a yoga student, he maintained a yoga humor Web site that now draws innumerable unique visits per day from around the globe. YogaDawg.com has won the accolades of many prominent yogis, including author Anne Cushman, yoga performance artist Edward Clark, comedian Vanda Mikoloski, Nike yoga spokesperson Kimberly Fowler, and Kirtan master, David Newman (Durga Das). My Third Eye Itches is the culmination of YogaDawg’s in-demand brand of yoga humor and has been awarded the Cool Site of the Day award
Namaste and hoping you too find the humor in yoga,
It doesn't absolutely want to make proselytism in accord with the conviction that any religion is pure illusion, fruit of mental conjectures and that in sum it estranges the man from the native spiritual message.
The First Yogi’s Fire shall
Burn the ignorant pall
To light the future’s citadel
Citadels of future are first
built in the minds of Ignorance or Light
These citadels when lit with Grace
Of the Blue-Bodied Maker of all race
Will be a worthy place to dwell here
and a passage to the ways of the beyond.
O’ how fortunate are we
To carry the Fire of the Aadhi Yogi.
- Sadhguru
Sadhguru’s message on the Bhumi Pooja of Aadhi Yogi Alayam (in Tamil – translated):
Within myself, I have always been bothered that the great Aadhi Yogi is not being held on the right kind of pedestal that He deserves in this world. With this in mind, we are creating suitable tools, not just as a sign of gratitude, but also to make the knowledge and technology He has given to the world available to more and more people. We want to start this in many other places in the world, but the first step is happening at the foothills of these mountains.
This is only the first step. We stand here today with a promise within us that we will make His footprint happen all over the world.
- SadhguruAfter a few months I return again with more followers lol, thank you to everyone who has been to this page and I apologize for no response from me for awhile. It seems every time I thought of some idea or had a moment of inspiration the old writer's block floated on in and I could not put down one single thought.
I am officially in the 8th Annual Western Hatha Yoga Competition as of this Saturday. What have I learned or tried to incorporate into my test of skill (if you may)?
* A proper diet is essential in maintaining energy, flexibility, hydration, strength and endurance.
* I miss my sugar, dairy and wheat:(
* There are many challenges towards this type of goal and lots of stress factors that will rev up your emotions. It is normal to feel temporarily discouraged but the most important thing to know is that another day lies ahead to keep yourself balanced. Another day to revive your confidence.
* If you just ask for help, it is always there within your reach. My stubbornness can outweigh my need for support sometimes but through my favorite yoga guru, Frank (have I mentioned he is temporarily back in town?) I understand my body, it's abilities, my capacity for learning and most importantly the confidence I now have to firmly walk up on that stage and say 'I can do this'.
* I am in awe of the other competitors who I will have the privilege of competing with, I understand their struggles, their emotions, and their nervousness and they all have my utmost respect.
*The flu, ear infection, sore spine, bruises, sore elbows, sleeping problems and a stubborn cough are not going to get the better of me!
*I am going to order my favorite pasta with a ginger ale and a mouthwatering chocolate dessert the day after the competition. It's about balance, right?
With the increase of people participating in the practice of Yoga, there has been a rise in the incidents of what is known as Kundalini Blockage. Symptoms of this condition include: sudden jitters, feelings of vertigo, foaming from the mouth, objects leaping off shelves or lights turning themselves on and off around the Yogi, a sudden lack of interest in shopping or even an urge to become an artist.
In the past, getting the Kundalini unblocked usually required much time and energy, usually spent in extended periods of time and great expense, in ashrams in India with famous Indian gurus. Now though, through the innovations of one Yoga studio in Washington, DC, the Kundalini can be unblocked or even removed in about an hour.
As explained by Kimberley of the Pinkdoor Places Yoga studio, “Kundalini Blockage happens when the energy in the root chakra, awakened by meditation or Yoga or even extreme bouts of shopping for Yoga clothing or Yoga mats at the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore, is trying to move upward and encounters a block; often in the sacral or solar chakra. It grounds itself through the legs until the block above is released”. With that insight, Kimberly has perfected several techniques to wrestle the Kundalini from the junction of the 4 and 5 chakra. She will either sweet talk it (“Now doll, you know how fab you would look if you weren’t feeling so trapped and crawling around people’s spines”), try to sell it something from the Pinkdoor Places Yoga Boutique (“You would look darling in the new fav Pinkdoor Places Yoga Unitard”), threaten it (“Okay bitch, don’t make me have to go in there and lip-gloss you”) or finally beat it into submission while removing it completly from the Yogi if it is practically stubborn.
When asked what happens when the Kundalini is completely removed, Kimberly replied, “Oh, not much really. The Yogis just kind of start acting like the rest of the zoned out Gen X and Ys that tend to show up for my Yoga classes”.
YogaDawg’s 12 Step Plan to Yoga Stardom
Step 1 - Begin by seeking out trendy yoga studios in gentrified areas in either LA or NYC (sorry, but you’ll need to move if you are anywhere else. It’s just not going to happen in Iowa or Kansas). This is where all the rich and beautiful yogis are and who will become your yoga allies. They are the yogis you must befriend and socialize with as you start your ascent to yoga stardom. Of these, you’ll need to figure out who the power yogis are (look for the ones wearing high-end yoga clothes and sporting a Black Manduka yoga mat) and who are new to the game (They are the ones wearing K-Mart crap and practice on pastel colored mats). Most important though, you must figure out who the yoga nut-jobs are (ie they’re the ones spouting crackpot yoga theories and think yoga is all spiritual and everything). Unfortunately there are vast amounts of them in the yoga world. Befriend the former, unless one of the latter can get you introduced to one of the latter. Remember that nut-cases will always lead you astray in your rise to yoga fame.
Step 2 – You will now actually need to learn something about yoga. Have no fear though, as all yoga studios will have books and magazines that you can spy while waiting for a class to begin. No need to invest money for this (in fact your first few classes at most yoga studios will usually be free or nominal in their quest to ‘hook’ you on yoga). Concentrate on books and articles about Iyengar and Ashtanga yoga in particular. The reason for this will become clear in the next step.
Step 3 – With a bit of yoga knowledge under your belt it is now time to chat up the other yogis around you. Always mention Iyengar or Ashtanga to them at every chance possible. Use a nebulous and tired tone when doing so to suggest you know all about these styles and have practiced them for much longer than you care to remember. Almost all yogis you encounter can relate to one of these as they are the basis of all the other styles out there. Look for their knowing nod of acceptance.
Important Note: Don’t try and add your own opinion of which style is better at this stage; you’ll only confuse things. The important thing to remember for now is that you are trying to win friends, not influence people.
Step 4 – Now is the time to perfect your Yogatude. This is a crucial step in breaking out from the crowd of ordinary yogis. In addition, it is important that you always stay positive and smiling. Even though this yoga star stuff is hard work, it is important to remember that in the yoga world you are always yes, never no.
Step 5 - At this point you should decide what kind of yoga star path you’ll want to take. The two basic avenues are yoga studio owner player or yoga magazine/yoga video player. If you choose the studio owner path, simply go out and buy one. Don’t worry if you’re not certified to teach. You can always hire teachers who are. No one will be the wiser and the beauty is that you won’t have to pay them much anyway. If you have followed the previous steps to satisfaction thus far, you should now be able to ‘steal’ all the cool, tight and trendy yogis from the other studios you hung out with as these yogis will now follow you to your new studio. Your studio will suddenly be THE yoga studio that everyone will want to be seen in.
Note: If you have decided to take the yoga magazine/video path we trust that you have befriended the publisher or editor of a hot yoga magazine that has offered you opportunities to appear in articles and on the cover. Strive to get into as many articles and covers as possible. Don’t waste too much time actually doing yoga. There are yogis who have built their whole careers doing this. In any event save the yoga for the videos.
Step 6 – Needless to say, you will need to develop and protect your public image (this is not the time to be caught catching a smoke in the back of your studio or being drunk while checking in your marks, umm, I mean students). Always remember that your image is what you will live off of going forward. Guard it like a yoga warrior!
Step 7 – You are now at the crucial stage in your rise to yoga stardom; the picking of your brand. Bandanas, speedos and hot pants have all been successfully used in the past. A perennial favorite is to appear somewhat exotic. People in the yoga scene love things they don’t understand (keep things mysterious) and we’re not just talking Sanskrit. On the other hand, if you have great hair and/or a great body, you will stand out from the gaggle of other wanna-be yoga stars. Use this to your advantage. Most important though is to make a point of saying that you think yoga transcends the outward appearances of great hair and great bodies while driving home that in fact, you have great hair and a great body.
Step 8 - Cultivate extensive yoga buzz about yourself. It’s impossible for everyone to be everywhere at once so use yoga blogs to your advantage. Comment on those run by snarky yoga bloggers and drop hints about your connections to past yoga stars (and hopefully dead ones so it will be hard to follow up on your claims) and yoga greatness. Banter with these yoga malcontents as you watch your yoga star shoot up proportionately as each of your comments get posted from blog to blog like wildfire.
Special note: Be extremely cautious about doing this on YogaDawg’s blog. Extreme bouts of schizophrenia and uncontrolled laughter have been reported from pretentious uptight yoga stars who have visited it. There is no exit here for the cunning.
Step 9 - You are now in low yoga star orbit and need to cultivate one additional trait to solidify your yoga image of those around you. Your goal now is to learn to act spacey (giving you an air of authenticity as it will show that you are have transcended your ties to ordinary daily living). Ideally, you will act this way around yoga students, yoga magazine publishers and sport cloths manufacturers who you will be vying to get endorsements from (you are trying to get endorsements at this point, aren’t you?) Be assured that after a while you’ll become so spacey that you won’t need to act any more..
Step 10 – Create your own special “thing”. Be assured that there is always an angle to be worked, a yoga style to be invented. As much as yoga people like to think they are practicing ancient yoga methods tied to past yoga gurus, a cult of yoga newness flourishes among them (they are all suckers for the latest yoga trend). Invention counts.
Step 11 - Now is the time to take things a step further by having an impact on the yoga movement itself. Claim your yoga territory by creating a cause or a mission that can easily be used to further your brand with the right PR slant. Use your new found fame strategically. If it brings you riches, with, say, a rise in endorsements or ads in magazines, start a new trendy yoga foundation with a hip yoga sounding name.
Step12 – That’s it! You did it!! Congrats! You are a yoga star. You can now om comfortably in your Malibu beach home or Park Avenue apartment. Om Shanti and don’t forget to send in a monthly donation to the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation.
YogaDawg Exclusive
YogaDawg gets the nod from Yoga Journal
Dear gentle yoga humor readers:
With the mention of the YogaDawg blog in the August 2009 issue of Yoga Journal, many of you yogis have come to this site in search of yoga snark and satire. YogaDawg welcomes you in the full embrace of yoga humor. This is the place to get your yoga laugh groove on while giving you a rest from the jaded seriousness of mainstream yoga world. Snuggle up with your favorite computer while doing yoga poses and become free as you discover the side-splitting yoga hilarity contained within.
Here is how the YogaDawg site would be described if Yoga Journal wrote a feature about it (ummm, ahh, clear throat, cough; it was written by a Yoga Journal writer):
My Third Eye Itches is a satirical, illustrated reference guide to yoga. Written in the voice of a fictional guru, Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg, it challenges the 15.8 million Americans who practice yoga to find the humor in an ancient Indian philosophy turned $5.7 billion industry. While My Third Eye Itches is designed for both the novice and experienced yogi, it is peppered with jokes that only serious yogis can fully appreciate.
In My Third Eye Itches, YogaDawg guides the reader through three progressive phases of yoga know-how. He begins with the basics, explaining yoga styles through the lens of high school cliques and neatly categorizing teachers and students into irreverent stereotypes. He then describes the ins and outs of starting a yoga studio, from selecting the appropriate “transitional” neighborhood locale to recruiting friends and family for manual labor in exchange for free yoga classes. Finally, YogaDawg reveals the innermost workings of the yoga industry, including yoga shopping, yoga news, yoga workshops, and the all-important Yogatude.
YogaDawg and his crass yoga advice was created shortly after stumbling into his first yoga class. Throughout his evolution as a yoga student, he maintained a yoga humor Web site that now draws innumerable unique visits per day from around the globe. YogaDawg.com has won the accolades of many prominent yogis, including author Anne Cushman, yoga performance artist Edward Clark, comedian Vanda Mikoloski, Nike yoga spokesperson Kimberly Fowler, and Kirtan master, David Newman (Durga Das). My Third Eye Itches is the culmination of YogaDawg’s in-demand brand of yoga humor and has been awarded the Cool Site of the Day award
Namaste and hoping you too find the humor in yoga,
The site proposes to spread and to let know the Aghori culture too often misunderstood and stigmatized as one dark "sect". It doesn't absolutely want to make proselytism in accord with the conviction that any religion is pure illusion, fruit of mental conjectures and that in sum it estranges the man from the native spiritual message.
Many mountains, rivers, stones and trees are sacred. Dozens of cities are holy and, of course, the millions of temples and idols. Quite a few animals are holy -- the cow, of course, but also the bull, the monkey, the elephant, the peacock, the snake, the rat....
So it may come as no surprise that people can be holy too, though they have to become holy.
The Indian concept of holiness is quite different from that in the West. It is not necessarily (though often) associated with the "good."
Shaivas, the followers of Shiva
Naga babas Gorakhnathis Udasin Aghoris
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